3 Keys to Master Your Physical Space & Amplify Flow States

How you flow through time
correlates directly to the state of
your physical and mental environment.

Winter is the time for deep visioning, getting into good books, watching movies, telling stories, and pondering what will be possible as the year unfolds. 

As the sunlight begins to grow stronger, the energies of Life begin to stir and movement quickens.  It's wise to prepare for faster pace of spring and summer, now, so that you can keep pace with the faster current.

There are three areas that are most important to focus on, in order to tune-up your systems and elevate the way you play:

1. Discipline Your Headspace
2. Master Your Physical Environment
3. Learn to Flow with Time to Amplify Synchronicity

Below I share next steps for each, and how they weave together.  You can also listen to me speak about it in this short facebook live video.

Discipline Your Headspace
This is short form for setting up work flow systems that allow you to stop storing information in your head.  You need to get the information out of your head and into a reliable system, so that you can leave your headspace for cultivating a quiet, creative mind that has the spaciousness to generate original thinking. 

A first practical step is to create an "In-basket" folder for your emails, computer desktop, and paper files, and put everything that is out in plain sight into those respective folders.  Then, schedule a chunk of time, up to 2 hours, to go through the items in the folders, one-by-one, and organize them.  This means having a coherent filing system, as well, so you know where to process everything.

Master Your Physical Environment
This means both your workspace and your homespace.  And, it means that everything in your life needs to have a place - a home - where it belongs.  This creates a tremendous sense of ease, self-mastery, and capacity to make empowered choices in your life, as a whole.  It is also incredibly energizing and rejuvenating to be in an office and home environment that is orderly and well-respected.   How you treat your space reflects on how you treat yourself. 

Flow with the Cycles of Time and Amplify Synchronicity
Begin by noticing the cycles and phases of the moon.  When is the moon full and when is it new?  Tune-in.  The new moon is for planting seeds of intention and the full-moon is for acknowledging the abundance with gratitude.

It is also useful to greet the sun in the morning.  Ancient Toltec wisdom (Don Miguel Ruiz) says that the sun's rays are literally the new thoughts for this day.  Lastly, create time to honor the changing of the seasons through connection to the equinoxes and solstices. 

I will be offering an equinox meditation on March 20th, which you are welcome to participate in.  Registration info to come soon.  


If you'd like support and uplifting accountability with engaging these three elements - headspace, physical environment and flowing with time - this will be our main focus for the next ten weeks, in our Resonance Circles, in preparation for our Spring Retreat.  Feel free to be in touch about getting involved.


What was useful in these words?   What is emerging as a next action step?  You can watch the facebook live on this topic here, if you haven't done so already.


How Vowel Sounds Activate Your Leadership Potential

Sound is an organizing principle.

What do you trust with such a deep and profound intuition that you never question the truth of it's life-affirming power?

For me, sound healing is like that.  Specifically, the vowel sounds - OO, Oh, Ahhh, Ayy, EEE.  If you aren't familiar with toning or singing sacred sounds, it will be challenging to describe in writing how profound a practice it is - that's why I created this short facebook live video to explain in more detail. 

In short, sound is perhaps the most ancient of practices to connect you to your essential Self and open the gateways of intuition, deeper wisdom and higher intelligence. 

I'm sharing this because last week I was speaking about Holistic Intelligence, which calls you to live a life of "one fluid gesture" - a life that is integrated, whole and unified. 

The business-as-usual culture that I grew up in, taught me to compartmentalize the different aspects of my Self, so that I thought I needed to put on a mask and act a certain way at work, another way at home, yet a third way with friends, and on and on and on... 

As a young boy, playing jazz piano, tap dancing and singing melodies as I walked down the sidewalk or wandered in nature, I connected with the power of sound to renew my self of wholeness.  And, when I was introduced to the vowel sounds in a sound healing training seven years ago, I felt deep intuitive resonance with their visceral truth - and I've been working with them ever since, on my own, and with clients.

Bringing the vowel sounds into groups generates an immediate sense of connectedness, safety, and realness that opens the possibility for you to let your guard down, be honest, and feel held in a sense of belonging.

Consistently practicing the vowel sounds in a group context gradually generates an experience where you feel your life becoming one whole, integrated and unified experience - as opposed to disparate parts.

Feeling whole and unified is essential for you to stand in your leadership and speak your truth.  The vowel sounds teach through the pure experience of resonance and vibration how to have the courage to listen to the deeper intuition and calling within you that is always inviting you to stretch into your edge, for the sake of the contribution that you have to make to the ever expanding whole.

Resonance Circles: A Place for ChangeMakers to Grow as Leaders
The small group resonance circles that I facilitate all begin with the practice of toning the vowel sounds.  If you feel a strange resistance and curiosity about this practice, and you are looking to grow your leadership capacity, I invite you to schedule a 30-minute discovery session, to see if this is the right fit for you.  

I will be opening enrollment to a wider audience in the near future, so now is the time to claim your place in the circle, before others step in.  Click here to learn more or simply reply to this email that you are interested.


Holistic Leadership: Everything You Are is in Everything You Do

The ends never justify the means.  
So, choose to be the change you wish to see in the world. 
Because, everything you are is in everything you do.

Holistic Leadership is about being who you are - wherever you are: when you are by yourself, in the privacy of your own thoughts; when you are at work interacting with colleagues, at home with your family or in the community with friends and especially with those who push your buttons. 

In other words, it means developing an inner compass of integrity, values alignment and a code of conduct & ethics that is consistent across.  This is clearly hard work - so why is it worth it?  What does it make possible in your life?


how important is it to you - to not only have a sense of meaning, purpose and mission in your life, but to be integrity with your purpose?

Let me illustrate what I mean - think of a time that you felt awful - just down in the dumps.  Not physically, but emotionally and in your mindset.  If you trace your steps, you might found that that feeling of "awful" is connected to a behavioral choice that was out of alignment with your integrity - that is your unspoken commitments to what you care about most. 

In the last moments of my life, when I am on my deathbed, will I have regrets or will I know, without hesitation, that I played all out?

Not just with my sense of effort (the "yang" or masculine aspect of leadership), but also with the deeper wisdom that it takes to let go and surrender (the "yin" or feminine aspect of leadership).  

Did I cultivate my sense of wisdom, so that I could understand and practice the precision of saying or doing the right thing at the right time for the right reason?

One of my key mentors in my life, named Hawksbrother, used to tell me - "you are always only doing one thing."  Or he would say it another way, "you want to make it so your life is all just one thing - one fluid gesture."

This guidance has led me in a direction towards locating a core organizing principle within my life, which I am calling Sound Leadership. 

What next step does this topic stir in you?

To listen to a 4-minute video on this topic, click here.

When You've Hit Rock Bottom (or someone you know does)

When you've hit rock bottom, it's time to be real,
and ask a trustworthy friend to tell you their story of being in the hole.
When I remember that I'm human, I'm able to start climbing again.

This morning a member of our Resonance Circle showed up in The Hole - every aspect of this person's life is up for grabs - relationship, career, community, finances. 

It happens.

So, what did I do?  

I asked everyone in the circle to share a time when they had hit rock bottom.

As I listened, I remembered one of my many rock bottoms -

I was in the beginning of a new relationship with my wife, and  felt wholly inadequate for the task.

During a visit with family, which kicked up my negative self-talk even louder, so much that I was having thoughts of taking my life, and I was sitting on a stoop of a busy street, rolling tobacco, which I was habitually using at the time to get through.

Just then, I saw someone with a prosthetic leg walk by me at eye-level. 

I froze.

I registered the moment.  

The Universe was speaking to me - sending me a message.  It gave me this lightening bolt of insight:

"As long as I have legs, I'm going to keep walking.  As long as my heart is beating, I'm going to use the gifts that I've been given.  I'm gonna stay in the game - and keep playing all out."

That moment was a turning point for me.  I felt something solid that I hadn't before.

What's an experience that you've had of hitting rock bottom?  What did you harvest from it that allowed for new possibility?

Thank you for who you are, what you do, and for standing for possibility.  To listen to my five minute Facebook Live Video on this topic, click here.


ps.  I felt called to share this because it's alive and fresh - just speaking about it this morning.  And, because I want you to know that our Resonance Circles are about connecting with the whole of who you are and bringing it ALL to how you show up and lead your life, work and relationships.  I believe that that is what we need, as a human family right now.  That's what time it is on planet earth.

There are currently 2 spots open in each of the men's and women's Resonance Circles.  Once they're filled, they won't be available again for a number of months.  If you feel the call, fill out this short form to schedule a 30-minute consultation, and we can discuss whether one of those spots is for you.

Who is the "Elephant in YOUR Room" in 2019?

If you see something that needs to be said
then you are probably the one to say it.

Last week I listened to a interview with Sonali Fiske, on the Awarepreneurs podcast.  Sonali is a leadership consultant who is creating spaces and support for Women of Color to speak their truth when it comes to transforming the paradigm of white-dominated airwaves in the leadership space.

Her words affirmed a conviction that I share - each one of us has an "elephant in the room." 

In 2019, we have so many examples of role models who are being real, speaking up and having the courage to not know what's going to happen when they do speak up - but they're doing it anyway.

So, what is your elephant in the room?  Where do you see something that not only could be said, but if it was said, would actually catalyze a transformative process?

It doesn't have to be on the world stage. 

As you read these words, tune-in to your heart and your conscience. 

What is something that you've been withholding - to your spouse, partner, child, brother, sister, co-worker, boss, employee, organizational team?

Or maybe you are ready to say something on a bigger stage - write an article, give a talk in your community or in your networking association.  

In other words...

What do you see, that no one else sees?

For me, I have two articles that I've been drafting up - that are naming the Elephant in My Room. 

Here's a taste of what I'm working on:

#1: Building Alliances between the Men's Movement and Native American Communities:
The Men's Movement, which is mostly made up of white men, has an opportunity and responsibility to express appreciation and create supportive alliances with Native American communities, mainly because men's organizations are utilizing Native American traditional practices (i.e. sweat lodge). 

#2: You Can't Be Neutral on a Moving Train - A Call to Greater Integrity in the Coaching Industry:
The coaching industry needs to acknowledge that if we are coaching businesses and organizations that aren't explicitly working for a sustainable, viable future, they are part of the problem, and our coaching is actually supporting them to do harm.  Just as doctors have an oath to "do no harm," as coaches, we need to be clear about whether our strategic planning is working towards pipelines and mountaintop removal or solar panels, healthy soils and clean water.

I invite you to take a moment to acknowledge what you see that no one else sees.  

Take 10 minutes to write those ideas down, and make a commitment to choose one "safe person" in your life to share these insights with.  From there, you will see what the best next step is. 

In other words, it does no good to blurt out your insights.  It's necessary to prepare yourself to stand behind your message.

Lastly, an invitation, if you are ready to go to work:

If you are looking to take your commitments to another level of sincerity, dedication and manifestation in this coming year, there are currently 2 spots open in each of the men's and women's Resonance Circles. 

There are a number of people who have already expressed interest, so these spots will fill soon.  If you feel the call, fill out this short form to schedule a 30-minute consultation, and we can discuss whether one of those spots is for you.

Thank you for who you are, what you do, and for standing for possibility.  To listen to my five minute Facebook Live Video on this topic, click here.


How to Supercharge Your Projects in 2019 (with the Natural Planning Method)

We've entered the new year and it's time to get down to business.

Now that the holidays are over, you're feeling the call to shift gears into action mode.

The Natural Planning Method, as taught by David Allen, resonates deeply with the core principles and practices of The Medicine Tree.

The way that you naturally go about planning anything in your day to day life is the way this works - i.e. deciding which restaurant to go to, which outfit to wear, who to hire, whether or not to take on that particular project.

The Natural Planning Method: 3 Precise Steps

First, start with why.  

Take a moment to write down why this project is actually important to you.  And, it does matter that you write it down. 

Writing it down allows your mind to trust that you "mean business" because you are actually capturing it's good ideas, as opposed to just ruminating about it.

Second, define what success looks like.  How will you know when the project is complete and you have achieved your desired outcome.  

Again, this seems like a no-brainer, but it is very rarely practiced.  In writing this down, you actually see the vision for what you are going for, and that energizes and motivates your creativity.

Third, strategize how you're going to do it.  The "how" has three distinct phases:

1. Brainstorm - let your mind go - with a pen and paper -mind-mapping (or bubble-zap as a friend of mine calls it:) is an excellent way to let your mind go free!

2. Organize - prioritize and sequence which ideas come first, second, third...and which might not be actionable at all.

3. Follow Through - define your next steps.  This means literally saying "what am I going to do with all of these valuable notes and ideas when I finishing this planning session."  Write an email?  Schedule your next work session on this project?  Make a phone call?  What is your next action?

It doesn't have to take long.  I continually surprise myself with the insight, clarity and new energy that open from just ten minutes of working through this process.  But, it only works if you work it.  So, turn the phone off, put on some music, take out a blank piece of paper, set a timer for ten minutes and get to it...

I created a 6-Minute Facebook Live Video to take you through the process.  Use it to get moving!

After your finish, let me know how it worked.  I'd love to hear from you.  Hit reply and email me what project you focused on and what shifted after just ten minutes of working the Why, What and How of the Natural Planning Method.

Happy New Year!


Life After Recovery: How to Make Ends Meet During a Job Hunt

This is a guest article by Rufus Carter. You can reach him at rufus@recoveringworks.com.


Moving on with your life after going through addiction treatment can be a long road full of ups and downs. Many people feel a mixture of pride and anxiety after leaving treatment; pride that they were able to seek help and make healthier choices for themselves, and anxiety about what the next months or years will bring. These are common feelings, but that doesn’t make them any easier to bear. When you’re worried about finding a job while you’re still learning how to make those healthy choices, things become even tougher, especially if you have a family to support.

Fortunately, there are some ways you can make the transition a bit easier by earning money with a side gig until you find the perfect job for you. These days, part-time work is fairly easy to come by, and these jobs can be financially and personally fulfilling. Whether you’re interested in tutoring or giving art or music lessons, making and selling handmade items on Etsy, or becoming a pet sitter, there are plenty of ways you can make ends meet. 

Even before you start looking for the right gig, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances of success. Dedicate specific hours each day or week to work, and make your work a priority. Set up a home office -- even if it’s just a corner of your living room, having a place where you can work comfortably will help you stay motivated. Finally, set goals related to how much cash you want to make or how many hours you want to work, and stick to them. Once you’ve done these things, it’s time to get to work. 

Become a Pet Sitter

Taking care of an animal is beneficial in so many ways. Not only does spending time with a sweet pup or cat help you mentally -- reducing stress and anxiety -- it can also help you physically. Just petting a dog can lower your blood pressure, for instance, and being responsible for walking him can help you get in daily exercise, which is important for maintaining your sobriety. 

Get Crafty

If you’re creative, consider making and selling goods online. Original artwork, glassware, furniture, clothing, and accessories like jewelry and handbags are always big sellers when they’re handmade, and the best part is you’ll be making money doing something you enjoy from the comfort of your own home. Check out this list of the best sites for selling handmade goods.

Teach a Skill

If you’re knowledgeable about a particular subject or have a skill you’d like to share, think about becoming a tutor or instructor. You can make great money by helping others advance their skills in different areas, whether it’s learning English as a second language or how to play a musical instrument. Create social media accounts and advertise your services; once you have a few clients, ask them to write reviews for search engines so you can garner more business.

Become a Blogger or Freelancer

If you have a flair for writing and a knack for grammatical skills, there might be a job waiting for you online. Many web zines and blogs are looking for outstanding writers who can contribute articles and posts on a daily basis, and while it may not be permanent work, freelancing can be just the thing you need while you get back on your feet. You can even start a blog of your own; just keep in mind that it might take a while to earn money through ad revenue that way.

Life after addiction treatment doesn’t have to be stressful. Starting with a good plan will help you avoid unwanted anxiety and even depression, which can, in turn, help boost your mental health and allow you to stay on a sober path. Think about your skills and hobbies and look for ways you can cash in while you’re looking for a more permanent position.

The Winter Solstice: A Potent Light that Illuminates the Future

This evening, at precisely 5:22pm ET, we will pass through the energy of the winter solstice.  It is a precious moment to enter into intentional reflection and meditation. 

The moment of the winter solstice could be looked at as the "darkest time of the year," however I am learning to see it as the moment when the unifying Light that energizes and illuminates all of Life on Earth is most condensed, and therefore most potent and pregnant with potential and possibility.

At this precious time, I very much encourage you to create at least one moment to slow down, turn inwards, and plant a seed of intention for the coming year. 

I invite you to consider that this moment is quite literally the first moment in the rest of your life.  In fact, every moment is that moment.

Yet, the winter solstice is an opportunity to align yourself with the integral Earth community and the universe beyond, thus empowering and attuning your personal vision and intentions with that of all of creation.

May this precious time connect you with the dream-seed of your deepest, most profound and awe-inspiring potential.

Happy Solstice, Holidays and New Year!

See you on the other side :)


Conversations Open New Possibility (let's talk...)

"We think we live in the world.  We think we live in a set of circumstances, but we don't.  We live in our conversation about the world and our conversation about the circumstances.  When we're in a conversation about fear and terror, about revenge and anger and retribution, jealousy and envy and comparison, then that is the world we inhabit.  If we're in a conversation about possibility, a conversation about gratitude and appreciation for the things in front of us, then that's the world we inhabit."

In the above excerpt from the powerful book, The Soul of Money, by Lynn Twist, she speaks directly to the essential purpose of our Resonant Leadership Circles. 

Through weekly core practices of Centering with Sound & Intention, Gratitude, Vision, Goals & Action, Inspiration; monthly practice of registering the impact that you're having in the world; and seasonal practices of Medicine Walks in Nature & Possibility Mapping, we discipline ourselves to actually live in a conversation of possibility.

In my research, writing and reflections, I am seeing that this kind of circle work is the frontier of business, organizational and human systems development.  The frontier is learning to create conversations of possibility in a desolate "conversation landscape" that is habituated towards fear, predictability and control.

In short, the "solutions" to our most pressing issues are "known."  But, to mobilize, manifest, implement and realize, in our complex world, we need to practice collective leadership - which is what I call leading like the forest - to work together, collaborate, on more than just a surface-level.   

We need to develop deep roots of connection - an intimate and vulnerable trust in one another, so that we can engage in a creative process together, which allows us to build spaces for emergent solutions to come forth, that we could never have found on our own. 

A Word about "Resonant" Leadership Circles: 

You may have noticed that I have added the word "Resonant" to our Leadership Circles name.  In doing some writing over the the last couple of weeks, I kept coming back to that word - resonance. 

Previously, we were using the word "Sound" to describe our leadership circles.  "Resonance" feels like it captures the essence of what we are doing with even more precision.  

A simple definition of resonance is: the tendency of a system to vibrate with increasing amplitudes at some frequencies of excitation. These are known as the system's resonant frequencies. The resonator may have a fundamental frequency and any number of harmonics.

This accurately describes what we are doing in our circles:  supporting each other to resonate with our true essential tone of leadership through the social field that we create as a circle.

An Invitation to a New Season of Resonant Leadership Circle Work:

There are many times in the year where we have the opportunity to begin anew.  The month of September gives us that chance. In the Jewish calendar, it is the month of the New Year.  

In the school year, it is the time to go back, to re-engage learning.

In the business calendar, it is a time to re-engage projects, start new initiatives, and, most importantly, to take a stand for the deeper calling in life that drives you to do what you do and be who you are.

"...when we take a stand, we can move the world - the world of ideas and people who act on them.  Taking a stand is a way of living and being that draws on a place within yourself that is at the very heart of who you are.  When you take a stand, it gives you authenticity, power, and clarity." - The Soul of Money

If you sense that being part of a weekly circle might support you to take a stand in this new season, the stand that is uniquely yours to take, I would love to speak with you about joining a circle in this fall season.

Click here to schedule a 30-minute conversation with me on zoom video chat, and we can explore whether the timing is aligned.

Lastly, thank you for taking this moment to read this email.  Thank you for your dedication to the work that you are doing and for your curiosity in circle work.  Lastly, thank you for your unique gifts and the specific tone that you bring to everything you do.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Lev Natan
Leadership for Social Change

845-389-3622 | www.themedicinetree.com 

Appointment Scheduler Link | Zoom Video Link | Skype: levnatan

Coaching Leaders, Facilitating Circles, Building Alliances & Healing w/Sound

Responding to Harsh Feedback with Integrity: Article & Exercise

As a social change leader, how do you deal with the emotional pain that goes along with immensely hard feedback?

With all that is happening in 2018 - unending racial profiling, the me too movement, children being ripped from their parents at the border, the denial of climate change and the plowing over of the rights of nature, it’s hard not to be on edge and ready to snap.  

In this climate, leaders who have the best of intentions, are being taken out, criticized, and blamed.

Let’s also not forget being called out at home to - by your spouses.  In my experience as a coach, this is actually far more common, and far more intense, heart-wrenching and painful than feedback at work.

How do you muster the strength to not take it personally, stand in your integrity, and do what’s right, when your whole nervous system is firing with the fight-fright-freeze instinct?

The following is a process that I developed through my own trials with leadership - receiving deeply hurtful feedback from those who were closest to me - my wife, a spiritual mentor - as well as listening to countless stories from clients speak about similar issues - at home, with spouses and children, and in the workplace, with employees, volunteers and clients.

Step One:  In the heat of the storm…

When it’s happening, when you are in the middle of “getting told,” do your best to remember

  1. To be conscious of your breathing

  2. That the other person is speaking from their own place of pain and suffering

  3. To say, “I hear you, and I need time to reflect on what you are saying before I respond.”


Step Two:  Put on your own oxygen mask first, before...anything else!


Don’t go back to work with a wounded heart.  Don’t try to ignore the emotional pain, pretend like it’s just part of life, and keep moving through the rest of your day, as if nothing happened.  If you have other important meetings the rest of the day, do your best to be present or, if you can, cancel them, so you can do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

You will simply not do your best work when you are feeling this level of deep emotional pain.  The work will still be there in an hour or two, or the next day.

In short, step away and take care of yourself.


Step Three: Get into your body


If you are anything like me, your head will be racing with what to do, how to respond, and what will “fix” the situation.  This is your panicked, defensive mind trying to protect itself. It’s not the time to try to fix anything. It’s time to get into your body - ground, center, presence yourself - and move the energy.  Here are some ideas:


  1. Go for a vigorous walk in nature

  2. Take a hot/cold shower

  3. Exercise - run, bike, swim, lift weights

  4. Dance or do yoga - move your body in a healthy way.

  5. Sing, yell, shake - if you feel safe to let go in this way.


Step Four:  Tell your story to someone you trust to listen with care


As soon as possible - preferably that same day - call your coach, therapist or a really good friend or colleague, who is skilled at holding compassionate space.  Give voice to the emotional pain that you feel, and allow yourself to place blame. Give yourself permission NOT to censor yourself, in this particular step. It’s best if you sense that the person who is listening has been in your shoes before and understands from personal experience.

Step Five:  Let the dust settle...


Commit to an appropriate time-frame for self-reflection before responding to the person; at least one full day, but it could be a week or even more, depending on the situation.  Create a rough timeline of when you will re-establish communication, but then continue to listen to your intuition for what your right timing is. You may or may not want to communicate this to the other person, ahead of time.  When you are ready to speak with the person, after completing this process, schedule an intentional time to speak with them.

Step Six: Track down the learning through conversations & journaling


  • Seek wise counsel, guidance and perspective through safe conversations:

    • Find 1-3 other people you trust with whom to share what happened and invite their guidance and perspective.  Now that you’ve “cooled down” and had time to find your center again, it’s useful to discuss the situation again, so you open yourself to different perspectives.  It’s best if you choose someone who can relate to your experience directly because s/he has gone through a similar experience.

    • Be aware of thoughts of self-judgement or being judged by others.  This is where we go when we feel “accused of a crime” and react by protecting ourselves from the danger of being punished.

Reflect on the following questions in the presence of a coach, therapist, friend or colleague or as a journaling exercise:

  1. What can I learn from this experience so that I can be more effective as a leader, in the workplace, in my family and in the community?
  2. Having reflected on all of this, what can I do now to restore trust, accountability, teamwork and integrity to this relationship?  How can I meet my unmet needs and be aware of the needs of the other person, moving forwad?
  3. What else could I have done?  What other response might have been possible?  
  4. Visualize yourself doing it differently until it feels natural and you feel confident you could handle the situation differently in the future.
  5. If I was acting like a victim, and the feedback was harsh criticism that was verging on abuse, how can I take responsibility for playing the victim role, and in doing so, empower myself to shift out of that role moving forward.  If I was acting out of unawareness, how can I become more self-aware and aware of others needs? If I was acting with power over others, what was I trying to get from acting that way - and what’s another way to behave that has more integrity?  
  6. How can I take responsibility for my part in the feedback?  
  7. What healthy boundaries might I need to clarify within myself?  
  8. You may determine that the person who gave you the feedback was projecting, crossing boundaries, overreacting, or dumping their own unresolved issues onto you, in a way that was simply inappropriate, unexceptable, unfair and toxic.  If so, you may decide that you need to create a firm boundary until further notice. This means reevaluating your relationship with this person.  Clarify what is yours and what’s theirs.
  9. What might be some of the needs of the person who gave me thee feedback?
    1. Use this list to identify the needs.
  10. What are my own unmet needs in this situation?

Step Seven: Plan Your Communication Beforehand


Schedule a time to meet or speak on the phone.  Or, if you have decided not to speak with the person, write him/her an email or a handwritten letter.  Use whatever mode of communication honors the integrity of the relationship and feels the most empowering for you.  If you decide to meet, be sure to create a structure for the conversation, be as clear about what you need to say beforehand, and have a clear sense of how you want the conversation to end.


Step Eight: Establish new agreements that fortify your core commitments

  • Moving forward, how am I going to proceed?  

  • What have I learned from this process?  

  • How has my perspective shifted and changed?  

  • What am I going to do differently?  

  • How have I restored and healed the fabric of relationship, as best I can, with truthfulness, honesty and authenticity?  

  • What new agreements will I establish - with myself and with the other person?  

  • How might I share this story with the larger community in a way that actually furthers the quality of trust and relationship?  

  • How do these new agreements align with my core commitments in life and work?  

  • How have I become stronger, more resilient, and at the same time, more sensitive to my own needs and the needs of others?


Responding with harsh feedback with integrity is hard work.  It becomes a much more doable when we have an already existing circle of support to process with. 

If you are interested in reading more about our Leadership Circles, click here

If you would like to attend one of our monthly free introductions, called Leadership Conversations, click here

If you have any questions, feel free to email me at lev@themedicinetree.com.